This This Kind of Freedom (Kamendressing)

[estirose]

This was a writing exercise, based on a post on Kamendressing. It features Innocent and Trapped, with a guest appearance by a female Taiga (kingisking).

This Kind of Freedom
by Estirose
2010

“Why are you living here?” the girl asked. She was a version of himself, a version that didn’t have to deal with an overbearing older brother.

“I like it here,” he said. “Here” wasn’t home, where he was a convict under the care of his brother. “Here” was not a place where he couldn’t tell his older brother that they weren’t meant to be lovers.

“But don’t you have a home?” she persisted. He wished she understood, but she didn’t.

“I don’t want to go home,” he said plaintively. In enough time, his brother might get worried enough to wander the halls of this place. But that wasn’t right now. He glanced over at the female version of his older brother.

She looked at him. “Why not?”

For a version of him, she could be amazingly clueless. But then again, the short version of her Fangire name was “Innocent” – too innocent to understand how Wataru was treated. Sure, he had a comfortable bed and didn’t have to worry about food. But he missed going out without Taiga or Mio as an escort. Without a doctor poking at him every week trying to extend a lifespan he didn’t want expanded. “Because I don’t want to.”

“That’s not a good answer,” she said, peering at him. He flinched; knowing she was a Checkmade made it hard for him to be near her. Not with how his Taiga and Mio behaved. “What’s wrong?”

“My life is better here,” he said, willing her to understand. Here was safe. Here was where he could be himself.

“Why is it better here?” Innocent asked. He would have argued, but he just didn’t have the energy. Not to argue with her or anybody else. He just wanted to be left alone.

“Because my brother doesn’t want to have sex with me here!” There, it was out. Even she had to understand. Taiga always wanted to bed his brother, for some reason. Mio was just as bad. And Taiga seemed to press Wataru to sleep with Mio for some unknown reason, and couldn’t imagine not joining in the “fun”.

“What’s wrong with that?” Innocent asked, mystified. Wataru resisted pounding his head against the nearest wall.

“I’m straight! That’s why! And he’s a guy! And I don’t have any choice! It’s not like you, you’re a Queen.”

Innocent blinked at him, seeming to finally comprehend. “Then we’ll have to do something about that,” she said softly. “Hang in there. Go back to your Taiga until we can talk to him. You know how he frets. And you don’t want to be on the end of an extreme Taiga fret. It can be pretty bad if he gets worried.”

Wataru scrubbed his hand through his hair. He knew she was right… but he couldn’t go back. He couldn’t! Not with what was going on.

“Just try,” Innocent said, getting up. She eyed the female Taiga. “I think you can practice on this one… she’s about to start fretting too…”

Cringing, Wataru looked over at the female version of his brother. And shuddered. Innocent hugged him quickly and stepped away, allowing the Taiga to swoop in.

“You’re living here, Wataru?” the Taiga asked, looking worried. Well, at least not *happy*. About the way that his brother would feel if he found out Wataru was living in the place on purpose.

But there was no reason for lying to this Taiga. Because she already had overheard his conversation with Innocent. “Yes.”

He wasn’t going to elaborate either, and the Taiga frowned at him. “Why is that?” she asked, her tone disapproving.

“Because I want to,” he said. He couldn’t talk back to his older brother, but he could talk back to this one, at least a little. Here, at least he had some breathing room.

“Some things are more important than what you want, Wataru,” she told him sternly. Of course she’d disapprove; he was doing what he wasn’t supposed to be doing, which was staying with his brother.

“I’m staying here,” he said, much less firmly than he felt. The fear of being sent back home quieted his voice. How hard was it for people to understand that he wanted to sleep alone?

“Your world needs you,” she said simply. “Taiga needs you.”

He cringed, nearly balling up into a tight ball. “He keeps needing me *that* way.” He knew she understood what he meant, and that he hated it. But there was no mercy in her gaze.

“He doesn’t need you that way, but he needs you. You need him, too.” She had been the one to urge him to talk to Taiga about the sex. About how he didn’t want it. But she was still taking his brother’s side, and how could he need Taiga, anyway? Other than him being a convicted criminal, that was.

“I’m totally dependent on him. I can’t say no.” If his brother wanted to sleep with him, there was nothing he could do. Except escape to this world, where he was free. Sort of.

“He won’t force you,” she said. There was a strength behind her words, and again, he wished she understood how utterly powerless he was, and how much he depended on Taiga and Mio’s good will. Mostly Taiga’s.

“The safety of my friends depends on it,” Wataru rebutted. If he refused Taiga, what would happen to Nago-san and Megumi-san and Shima-san? Taiga might decide on a whim to execute them if Wataru refused, after all.

“Then you can’t run away.” She was blunt. She also had a point. If his brother knew he was running away, not following his rules… then the lives of his friends might be in danger. And Wataru would never have this kind of freedom again.

He might have to go back. Go back to his overprotective, clingy brother, to his sad and silent Queen who nevertheless bedded him as if he were her lawfully wedded husband. Back to his world where he had no freedom, no control.

“I know,” he said. But he let the point drop. “I’ll go home.”

She smiled. He cringed inwardly. But he went home.

Crossposted from Ramblings Yet Once More here.