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Fear of the Hygienist, or a reminder to myself on what it means not to be priveleged.
At some point I should write a post on how sometimes those issues that make me less than priveledged in some ways makes me not give a shit when I’m dealing with trampling other peoples’ feelings and issues. But now, I am going to reflect instead on how it feels to have ny own feelings and issues disregarded, thanks to one (hopefully temporary) dental hygienist that probably shouldn’t have been working in a practice that caters to people with dental phobia.
I am a person with dental phobia. I’ve managed to conquer parts of it due to regular dentist visits, but I still have triggers. One is dyeing my teeth, thanks to a film shown in my school years, intended to scare students into brushing their teeth, but was partly/mostly responsible for keeping me away from the dentist for 20 years.
When the hygienist dyed my teeth on my last visit, like those who don’t complain when fic offends them, I didn’t mention that I was scared or that seeing my dyed teeth freaked me out.. Part of it was that I assumed a hygienist working with phobics would know that if a patient said that they were scared, that if they subsequently did not seem comfortable, you’d ask to make sure they were. Part of it is that I wanted to get the hell out of there, but was terrified to just sweep out of there due to social anxiety. It’s, I think, the same way that people don’t (at first) complain about stuff that offends them, because they don’t want to rock the boat.
And like those that were afraid to stand up and say ‘no, this is offensive,’ I’m going to be prepared this time. Because I refuse to stop going back to the dentist, because I like my dentist, I enjoy my cleanings, the staff is otherwise great, and of course, it makes sense. But this time, I’m not going to be quiet. I’m coming in with a note that speaks where I might be too shy/terrified to do so. A note that says ‘Here is where I freak out, kthx’.
And next time I get tired out by the fact that I’ve found yet another way I can unintentionally offend people, I will read this note and remember that experience, and maybe I can understand things better.
Crossposted from Ramblings Yet Once More here.
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