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Posted by Ask a Manager

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/06/i-ran-into-an-employee-topless-at-the-beach-offering-parents-extra-days-off-for-school-events-and-more.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=31407

It’s four answers to four questions. Here we go…

1. I ran into an employee topless at the beach

I am a female, middle-aged supervisor at a small company, and one of my best employees is a woman in her early 20’s. Just over a week ago, we ran into each other at the beach, and she happened to be topless and wearing only a thong bikini bottom. We awkwardly said hi and quickly moved on, but since returning to work she’s been avoiding me like the plague. I need to keep her focused and on task as she always been one of my top performers, and I feel that this week she’s feeling quite embarrassed at the fact that I saw her topless.

Should I let her know I don’t think it’s a big deal and that she doesn’t need to be embarrassed, or should I just wait until things go back to normal and if so for how long?

I’d try just being aggressively normal for a week and see if that gets things back to normal between the two of you. By aggressively normal, I mean going out of your way to find opportunities to have normal interactions, so you can demonstrate that this isn’t A Thing to you in any way and hasn’t changed the way you see her or treat her.

If she’s still avoiding you after a week of that, then I’d consider saying, “I realize I might be misinterpreting, but you’ve seemed to feel uncomfortable around me since we bumped into each other at the beach. I hope you’re not embarrassed; it’s an absolute non-issue to me, and I’d like us to get back to what I’ve always felt was a very good working relationship.”

2. Offering parents extra days off to deal with school events

Recently, a proposed New Jersey Senate bill (No. 172) has been a hot topic of conversation in both my personal and professional life. The bill would provide tax credits to employers that offer two additional days off (on top of existing leave) for employees to attend school-related events for their children (such as parent-teacher conferences, etc.).

As the parent of an elementary-school-aged small human, this time of year is absolutely full of conferences and programs and events. Having a couple PTO days set aside specifically for “school stuff” without the internal debate and fear of needing those days for actual sick time would be incredibly beneficial for myself and other working parents. But on the flip side, it may not be fair to non-parents who don’t have access to those extra two days. What are your thoughts on this?

Well, on one hand, we do a terrible job in this country of supporting working parents, and so it’s hard not to welcome anything that would make child-rearing a little easier. But there are plenty of non-parents who also would benefit from extra days to deal with their own life commitments (like helping an aging parent, for example), so I’d rather see employers offer more flexibility overall, and/or some number of “life happens” days that could be used for a wider range of needs.

Parents aren’t the only ones who need support and there’s no reason to limit it to them.

3. Can HR share what they know about people’s salaries?

I know (from regularly reading your site!) that employees are allowed to discuss their salaries with one another and it is illegal to attempt to prohibit them from doing so. How does this work with HR?

I lead a small nonprofit (less than 15 employees) and one employee (director level role, doesn’t manage anyone directly yet, let’s call him Jim) performs HR and finance functions that give him a line of sight into people’s specific salaries (vs the general bands that we share team-wide). I’ve told Jim that he should refrain from discussing with colleagues any information he is privy to only due to his HR responsibilities (while feeling completely free to discuss his own salary or whatever coworkers share with him organically). Was that off-base? To clarify, I’m not saying that Jim can’t discuss salary with someone within the scope of the role (i.e., negotiate an offer with a new hire), but that it would feel inappropriate to me for Jim to tell Angela (apropos of nothing) that he thinks she should make more or share with Dwight what Toby makes.

Nope, you’re correct on the law. Employers generally can’t prohibit employees from discussing their salaries with each other, but they can prohibit sharing info that an employee obtains only because their job gives them access to it (or if they obtain that info through files known to be off-limits to them). So it would be fine for Jim to share his own salary with a coworker, or if Angela tells Jim what she earns, you couldn’t prevent him from sharing that info with Dwight. But he can’t use the job-specific access he has to share information that isn’t otherwise available.

4. Should you have to interview in order to go from full-time to part-time?

My company requires staff to go through the entire interview process if they wish to transfer to a different location if there is an increase or reduction in hours involved. For example, if Bob wants to work at Y location and it is a perfect lateral move with no reduction or increase of hours, he can transfer with no interview as long as he is the only person asking for the position. But if Bob wants to work at Y location and it is a reduction of his hours, full-time to part-time, and is the same job, he must apply and interview against all other applicants.

Here’s the part where I am stuck. Bob is a long-time employee, but he keeps not acing the required interview and is not being chosen as the candidate for the position at Y location. Somewhere in the process, Bob’s answers to routine interview questions take a turn towards “I have worked here for a long time and I am owed this.” It’s not a great attitude to take in an interview, but in the bigger picture, it’s true that Bob brings a lot of value with him. As far as I know, he’s always been a good member of the team and he has 15+ years of experience in his position. I feel Bob’s frustration that he can’t get the reduction of hours that he needs and I suspect that he’s going to leave the company over this.

Is the company hurting themselves over not allowing lateral transfers if the transfers involve a reduction or increase in hours? I suspect that this rule is in place to prevent stagnation, as this company’s profession tends to make for long-term employment with very little turnover. I could see where it would be very hard for external candidates to get a foot in the door if internal candidates could just slide into lateral transfers with no limits.

I suspect that Bob might explore his legal options as he and his supervisor are convinced there is a conspiracy in the company to explain why Bob keeps getting passed over. As far as I know, it’s the “I’m owed this” attitude, something Bob’s supervisor has also displayed in interviews that’s holding them both back from being successful candidates. I can only speculate on this being the cause as I have only heard secondhand reports, but never sat in on any of their interviews.

What is my obligation to Bob as a manager a few rungs up the ladder? I feel bad here as I empathize with his needs, but our location is one of the most difficult locations and we need a full-time role, not a part-time one. I am not inclined to advocate to split Bob’s position in to two part-time positions as that would not be best overall for the rest of the team.

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask people to interview for a transfer. If I were the manager of the new position, I’d sure as hell want the opportunity to make sure I wasn’t bringing on someone who I didn’t think was well-suited for my team.

But where your company is messing up is in not giving Bob any feedback about why he’s not being selected (and his manager too, it sounds like). They should tell him clearly what’s holding him back so that he doesn’t need to speculate on whether there might be a different reason, and whether that reason might be legally actionable (such as discrimination). As a manager in his chain of command, you should explain to your management that they’re inadvertently setting themselves up for a lawsuit and push them to either give Bob some real feedback or deputize you to.

The post I ran into an employee topless at the beach, offering parents extra days off for school events, and more appeared first on Ask a Manager.

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/06/i-ran-into-an-employee-topless-at-the-beach-offering-parents-extra-days-off-for-school-events-and-more.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=31407

Posted by Ask a Manager

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/06/update-clients-new-employee-is-trying-to-take-over-my-job.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=31247

It’s a special “where are you now?” season at Ask a Manager and I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past.

Remember the letter-writer worrying that her client’s new employee was trying to take over her job (#3 at the link)? Here’s the update.

Thank you for your thoughtful response to my question, and also to everyone in the comments who responded.

I wrote my original letter at the end of a particularly frustrating day, and left out a few details which may provide more clarity. There were a few people in the comments who assumed that Sally, as an employee of the company, was also the client. The business is mostly staffed by freelancers, the majority of whom are remote and have their own areas of specialty. Sally is also freelance, but in a different area of the business from me. I had been working for my client for several years when Sally came on board.

Sally was taken on to gain experience in a certain part of the business. She has a related background to her own area, but no experience whatsoever in mine. However, as soon as she came on board it became clear that she was also keen to learn how to do what I do making comments on my work and “offering solutions,” as well as pointing out what she thought were “mistakes.” I was patient with her and even spent some time explaining the work I do, but she continued with the same behavior.

Sally then set up a new system where we could all access our to-do lists whether we were at home or in the office, so everyone knew what everyone else was working on. However, I could never access this system. I said so repeatedly, and Sally expressed concern, yet never did anything to allow me access. I do wonder whether this was possibly deliberate.

My client, in the meantime, was going through a lot in her personal life as well as trying to manage the expansion of her business, and she was frequently overwhelmed. Sally kept putting more and more “systems” in place that were supposed to streamline things, but actually ended up making more work for everyone. (For example, she came up with a system for naming documents with lengthy dates, status, etc., and every time anyone made a change to that document a new version would have to be saved with more initials, etc., so the drive ended up being cluttered with multiple versions of the same document. She then changed her mind after a few weeks of this and decided to use another naming system, which meant I couldn’t actually access any work for a couple of days because she asked us all “not to touch” anything while she renamed the entire drive full of documents in her new system. Looking back now, this seems like madness.)

The final straw came when my client gave me a project to work on with Sally. I had been setting up templates for a lot of the regular work in the business, based upon the guidelines I had created over the past few years in conjunction with my client. Sally was working with me to learn more about the templates, and also how to work with them. However, Sally seemed to decide that her actual role was to manage this process so, whenever I would send something through, she would tell me what she didn’t like about it and what I needed to do differently, even if this was in direct contravention of the guidelines I had in place. This ended up making the project longer and far more complicated than it needed to be, so it took twice as much time as necessary. One of the commenters asked if I was going to charge for the extra hours Sally added to my workload and yes, I did charge for the extra time.

This was when I wrote to Alison. I did end up speaking with my client, asking her why Sally had been put in a position of oversight of my work, especially when she has no experience in my field, and detailing some of my frustrations, including the fact everything was taking longer. My client responded that she heard my concerns, and would get back to me. However, she instead stopped giving me projects to work on, while at the same time asking me to look over a proposal from a company who offered similar services as me but at a much lower rate (so low that it actually wasn’t feasible they would be able to deliver what they promised). The ending was so abrupt that I didn’t even get to go back to the office to collect a coffee cup I’d left there on a previous visit! I was hurt and a little shocked by this, but I wrote her a polite note with my feedback about the other company and wished her well.

I then started to see work in my old area from the company that was full of errors, and assumed that Sally had taken over my old role. There was nothing I could do about that, so I removed myself from the situation entirely and chalked it up to the unstable world of freelancing.

However! A couple of months later, I ended up running into my old client at a mutual friend’s event. She was thrilled to see me, hugged me, and told me that she was sad she could no longer afford to use me and that she’d been doing my old work herself (which explained the errors). Sally was still working for her, but had been essentially demoted to doing basic tasks. I’d heard there was some instability in her industry, so was sad to hear she’d been affected. We ended up having a lovely conversation; we so often don’t get closure on situations like this, so it felt like a real gift. I genuinely wish my client well, and would be happy to work for her again in the future.

The post update: client’s new employee is trying to take over my job appeared first on Ask a Manager.

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/06/update-clients-new-employee-is-trying-to-take-over-my-job.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=31247