I fear being flamed.
Oct. 1st, 2007 10:10 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
estiroseSo, I'm just going to post my thoughts on a particular Hana Yori Dango fanfic here. Maybe I'll get up the courage to post the review to the Pit. (With some useful constructive criticism, of course.)
I'll post the link to the story up in a few hours.
1. Akira's name is Mimasaka. Not Mimisaki. You can't just declare it to be Mimisaki.
2. The random Japanese is not useful. I don't mind honorifics, but peppering your dialogue with "ne", "hontou" "Ouji-san" instead of things like "really" and "Grandfather". A little Japanese flavor is fine, but random Japanese is not.
3. There would be no way in heck that Kaede wouldn't know that Tsukushi came from a rich family. It would have been mentioned somewhere.
4. Spellcheck, proofread.
5. Develop your OCs. I don't care about them right now.
(Oh, and I bet the arranged marriage is between Akira and Tsukushi.)
The story, incidentally, is here.
I'll post the link to the story up in a few hours.
1. Akira's name is Mimasaka. Not Mimisaki. You can't just declare it to be Mimisaki.
2. The random Japanese is not useful. I don't mind honorifics, but peppering your dialogue with "ne", "hontou" "Ouji-san" instead of things like "really" and "Grandfather". A little Japanese flavor is fine, but random Japanese is not.
3. There would be no way in heck that Kaede wouldn't know that Tsukushi came from a rich family. It would have been mentioned somewhere.
4. Spellcheck, proofread.
5. Develop your OCs. I don't care about them right now.
(Oh, and I bet the arranged marriage is between Akira and Tsukushi.)
The story, incidentally, is here.
