Inside Out part 2

[estirose]

But coming up with an excuse to give to her teammates meant that she actually had to go back up to the Animarium. Which was fine as far as Taylor was concerned, for she could disappear into the Animarium if she needed to, just to think. Danny and Alyssa would probably be out doing their mundane things, but Cole and Max would be there. And she really didn't want to deal with them, or Princess Shayla. But she'd have to do that.

Taylor walked out into the Animarium, greeted by half a dozen eagles. As she approached the steps up to their main area, she wasn't surprised to see Cole waiting for her. He jumped up off a projection and headed over to her. "How did it go?" he asked.

Yes, more eagles, and Cole being nosy.

"We didn't make any decisions," Taylor said neutrally.

Cole adopted his puppy-dog expression. "You need to talk to him some more."

"I need time to *think*," Taylor told him. "Away from him, away from everybody." She paused. "Maybe even away from the eagles."

Her teammate shook his head. "They're just keeping an eye on you. The Eaglezord's kinda concerned about you right now."

And here's why Taylor's been seeing so many eagles as of late. By the time this story was finished, I'd started calling the EagleZord "OverprotectiveMamaZord".

Taylor rolled her eyes, and tried to send an indignant feeling to her zord. "I'm fine." She paused. "I just came up to tell you that I may not be on the Animarium for a few days," Taylor said. "But... I will be there if any Org attacks."

Cole nodded. "Okay."

There was one good thing about Jungle Boy for sure, Taylor knew. Cole didn't really push... he guided. And if his heart said that she had to be left alone, he'd get the others to leave her alone as well. She just hoped Cole wouldn't blab the news of her pregnancy around. Better remind him. "But don't tell anyone what's going on. I'd like to make up my mind without involving the whole team."

"Okay," Cole responded again. "Good luck, Taylor."

"Thanks," she said, before heading back, back to her place on the ground. She just hoped nobody would wonder why she wasn't visiting as much as usual. That would be suspicious. Max and Alyssa would notice immediately, and Alyssa would continue to pry it out of her. So, she had to come back. Just not at the moment.

* * *

In reality, Taylor found she didn't know what to do once she'd left the Animarium. She had a queasy feeling that Cole was correct, and that she needed to deal with Eric. The problem was, Eric had even less of an idea what to do next than she did. There were no rules and regulations to deal with what happened when a Ranger became pregnant, no rules she had made when she'd written the rulebook. She supposed she could talk to Princess Shayla, but that would mean telling her about the pregnancy, and Taylor wasn't sure if she wanted to deal with another person knowing.

Princess Shayla already knows about the pregnancy, of course. And I found it amusing that Taylor had found a situation not covered by her rulebook.

She had the bad feeling that her problem and Eric's was going to involve two different Ranger teams. Hers, because she'd either have to leave or fight Orgs throughout her pregnancy, and Eric's, just because Eric was a Ranger and that's what Rangers did. Become overly involved in each others' lives. Besides, Wes seemed to have a sixth sense when it came to anything Eric-related.

*Mom believed in the right for a woman to choose. Dad believed that life began at conception.* Taylor had carefully tread a path, not believing strongly in either. She'd arrived into Air Force training with a drive to dedicate her life to the military and with no thought of motherhood. And now... now she was forced to think of it. She was fighting something more critical than she'd ever thought she'd fight, and she was now paralyzed by a simple matter that had plagued humanity throughout time.

A good summary of what's going on with Taylor. She's pregnant, in the middle of a war.

Something she never thought she'd face with a lover she didn't truly love and had no intentions on spending her life with. And she would be risking this baby every time she fought. She didn't even know if the baby would be affected by her morph. She doubted a pregnant woman had ever morphed before.

Taylor was tempted to call Eric again, but that would make the Silver Guardians suspicious, and she doubted Eric had come up with any more brilliant insights than he had at lunch. She probably should get to the store and buy a pregnancy test, but she didn't know if it would do any good. How long had she been pregnant? She should have asked Cole. Of course, she hadn't really wanted to talk to Cole at that point. *I should learn to speak Zord,* she thought. *That way I don't have to filter things through Cole, though they'd probably tell him anyway.*

*I have too little information,* she realized. *Eric and I can't decide this on our own. But we also need to know how we feel, as Cole would say.* She inwardly resigned herself to seeing a whole lot more of Eric before Saturday. A *lot* more of Eric. More than she ever wanted to see of Eric.

Groaning, she went to call Eric and invite him to dinner.

I wrote a lot of scenes with Eric and Taylor eating. Too many.

* * *

She and Eric ate dinner in near-silence. She realized belatedly that it was far too soon for the two of them to figure out what to do; Eric had no better idea on what to do than she did. "So," Eric said, looking amazingly awkward, "Have you made a decision yet?"

Taylor shook her head. "Not yet," she admitted. "And every time I go back up to the Animarium, Cole keeps trying to send me down to talk to you."

Eric gave a curt nod. "Where do you want to go from here?" he asked.

"I still don't know," Taylor said. "It's not like I ever imagined being a mother."

"And being a Ranger makes it more dangerous," Eric said.

Taylor nodded briefly at that. "Exactly."

"And you didn't choose your zord. It chose you." Eric was repeating what she'd told him when they were getting to know one another.

"Yeah," Taylor responded. "I haven't talked to it yet, either."

Eric grinned tirely, the smile looking strained. "Never thought I'd have a situation like this."

"I'll see what it has to say," Taylor said.

"Do you want to be a mom?" Eric asked, leaning forward.

"I never really gave it much thought," she told him. She looked down. "I thought since I always used protection, that I'd be okay."

Eric nodded. "Well, it's not like either of us has much choice right now. You're pregnant, I'm gonna be a father."

"That isn't set in stone," Taylor said. "Can I bring a child into the world knowing that if I have to quit, that'll make the team that much weaker? That we could fail against the Orgs?"

Eric nodded again. "It's your choice. I'll back you up." The response was matter-of-fact, but Eric's expression was unreadable.

"And do you want to be a father?" Taylor asked, turning the question back on him.

"Never gave it much thought," Eric said. "Look, it's your body. If you want me to be a father, that's fine. I'll be a father. If you want to bring this child into the world, I'll be here. But I'm not stupid as to try to rule your life."

Taylor nodded at that. "Good," she said. She was about to say more, but Eric's radio beeped.

"Myers," Eric said. He listened to the person at the other end. "Wes, can't it wait?" He paused. "Yes, I know I'm ignoring my phone." Pause. "Yes, I'm ignoring my answering machine as well." Pause. "No, I'm not with Taylor." Pause. "Yes, I'm sure I'm not with Taylor. Stop laughing, Wes. I'll be right there." When he looked up, he looked tired. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow."

Starhawk quoted this in one of her Notices a month or two back. And Wes knows Eric (and Taylor) far too well. :)

"Duty calls?" Taylor asked, well aware of the demands of Ranger life.

Eric grimaced. "More like, stupid stuff calls. One of the eggheads over at BioLab wants to see the heads of the Silver Guardians *now* and she's got Mr. Collins' backing, so I gotta go."

Taylor nodded.

"Look, we'll talk tomorrow about it, okay?" Eric looked like he was ready to talk about anything *but*, but Taylor let that go.

"Okay," she replied. Maybe with Eric out of the way, she'd have more time to think. And then she could go back tomorrow to the Animarium and tell Cole to bug off just one day more and let her figure out what she was going to do by herself. She could see that Eric wouldn't be the father she chose for her child; maybe she could convince him to stay out of it. Let her have her child in peace, or do what she wanted to do. He said he'd step back.

Of course, she didn't believe him.

* * *

Taylor rolled out of bed that morning, almost literally. She rose and stretched, looking out her window to check for her ever-present bird escort. It was there, of course. She wondered if the eagles and other birds actually reported what was going on or if they were there for some kind of protection. She hoped it was for protection; the last thing she needed was avian snoops. She didn't like the idea of avian bodyguards, but it could be worse. She was linked to a very large metal eagle that had chosen her to defend her planet, and right now it was being a very large metal snoop. At least Eric's zord wasn't sentient.

Thank goodness. Taylor and I were about to throttle her Zord. Picture the scene in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone where the owls are trying to deliver Harry's letter and you'll get an idea of how bad it was for Taylor.

What she wanted right now was for nothing to happen, and fortunately, nothing was. No Orgs, no crises other than the one in her life right now. Maybe she should go up to Animarium, much as she didn't want to be there right now, and lose herself in its wilds. Nobody could find her yet if an Org attacked she'd be there for her team.

Alone sounded like a good idea at the moment.

She dressed, mentally preparing herself for her arrival at Animarium. It would be breakfast time, unfortunately, which meant the entire team would be there. But that would be normal. Cole would still look all concerned and the rest of the team would be clueless. Thankfully clueless.

Finally ready, she made her way upwards.

* * *

It was a typical morning at the Animarium as Taylor walked in to the main gathering area. Alyssa was doing her usual domestic turn, Max and Danny were joking at each other, and Cole... oh, Cole was up in a tree. Princess Shayla and Merrick must be talking together as the often did after playing for the Deerzord. Maybe they'd do something *interesting* today and get everyone's attention away from her relationship with Eric.

"Hi, Taylor," Alyssa greeted her, and with that, Cole looked down and slid down the tree. "Breakfast?"

"Thanks," Taylor said, accepting the plate automatically. She shook her head at Cole, hoping the other would wait to question her until she finished breakfast.

"So, Taylor," Max said, "Out with Eric again?"

"None of your business," she snapped. She saw Max wince. *Good.*

But Max seemed to recover after a moment, and smiled knowingly at her, his usual irritating self. Nobody else commented on her love life, however. *Love life, huh. More like... Lack of love life.*

The team resumed its usual banter, for which Taylor was glad. She was also sure that Cole hadn't blabbed her pregnancy to the rest of the team. Alyssa departed for school, Danny for work, Max to wherever. Which only left Cole, but she'd have to deal with him anyway.

"Any news?" Cole asked as soon as they were alone.

"We talked briefly, but...." Taylor replied. "We're *trying*, Cole, but it's not like we really ever thought this would happen!"

Cole gave her a solemn nod but didn't say anything more. Taylor brushed past him, moving into the wilderness of the Animarium. Other than the sounds of her escort, she was alone. The way she preferred it.

She settled down by the lake. It was peaceful, with nobody and almost nothing to bother her. Nobody to offer her advice on what she should do about this event in her life. She sat against a tree, her hands over her legs. "Why me?" she muttered.

"Perhaps... it is the way things are meant to be," came a voice from behind.

Next time, Taylor, don't mutter out loud. :)

Taylor's head whipped around as Princess Shayla sat down by her, and she caught a glance of Merrick hovering close by. "What do you mean?" she demanded.

"You are not the first pregnant Ranger, Taylor."

"How did you..."

"Know you were pregnant?" Shayla asked, smiling. "I dreamed it. And then I overheard Cole."

Of course Shayla knew before Cole. She's connected to the Animarium, after all. And so, in a way, is Taylor.

Taylor nodded, her surprise fading. "Oh."

Shayla settled into what Taylor considered her story-telling position. "When Merrick was still a Ranger, there was a young woman named Kyna who was on his team. Kyna was the envy of her teammates, and lucky in love. She was married to a young man named Egan, and when Kyna was not fighting Orgs, she and her husband were with her team. Kyna and Egan were very close to each other, and so it was to no surprise that one day she came to us and announced that she was pregnant. We all rejoiced with her; Kyna never thought being a Ranger meant giving up the rest of her life, and even her pregnancy did not stop her desire to rid the world of Orgs."

"So, what happened to her?" Taylor asked.

"Kyna continued fighting Orgs until she was in her fifth month, and then she turned over the fight to her twin sister, Caylah. Caylah was one of those who was there when Merrick took on the mask of Zen-Aku and was one of the ones imprisoned him. Kyna was the one of the ones that was closest to me when we had to put Merrick into his prison. She and I were close until I was put into my sleep."

And during Shayla story, I made two mistakes. One was that Merrick was a Ranger. And two, Shayla was not awake when Merrick was imprisoned. Oops. It still fits.

Taylor nodded solemnly at that, still listening to Shayla. "Kyna's zord protected her much as yours is trying to do now. The power made her stronger, much less vulnerable. And her teammates were always there to protect her. As I believe all would do now. Eric is a warrior, like yourself, as well. Egan never was, and in that I think you are fortunate."

The Ancient Warriors had Zords. Right. *thud*

*Fortunate?* Taylor thought, letting out a strangled laugh at the thought of that being a fortunate event.

"I know that your relationship was tentative, as Kyna's was not, but I have seen Eric. I have seen you together. This is no accident."

As Taylor bristled at that, Shayla added gently, "I do not mean that your pregnancy was not accidental, Taylor. I just believe that something was trying to help you to connect to one another."

"This was *not* the best way," Taylor said. She turned her head as Merrick left, pain clearly etching his face at the discussion. "Eric and I have no idea what to do with this child!"

"I know. But I think that you are a lot like Kyna, no matter what you do," Shayla said. "It is up to you to make the choice, and whatever choice, I think you will find it to be right."

Taylor nodded.

"Just remember, you are not alone." Shayla said. "And, as Cole has been suggesting, maybe you should talk to Eric. And maybe you should talk to the others."

Groaning inwardly, Taylor nodded once again. "I'll try," she said.

Shayla nodded gracefully in return. "I'll leave you to your thoughts," she said, before getting up and heading in Merrick's direction.

*Leave me to my thoughts, indeed!* Taylor thought. *She knows what I'll do!* She and Shayla had become close... well, not friends, but close partners, before the other zords had chosen their Rangers. Shayla knew how she thought and acted. She'd quietly done what she'd always done when she thought that Taylor was being too close-minded for her own good. She hadn't ordered, she'd suggested. And now Taylor was stuck thinking about what to tell Eric, and whether to tell the other Rangers.

Strangely enough, it made a kind of sense. Max could be serious upon occasion. Danny would hover quietly with a shy smile. Alyssa would be like the little sister she never had. Merrick would disappear for months.

In terms of Taylor's pregnancy with Eric being salt in an open wound, at least. Merrick would find it too painful to stay around.

"No," she said out loud. "I can't." She knew a team was stronger if it worked together, but she didn't want to tell anyone before she decided whether or not to keep the baby. At least not anyone who didn't know. Eric, yes. Cole, maybe. Shayla, maybe. But not the rest of the team.

It came back down to the same question. *Am I ready to be a mother? Is Eric ready to be a father?* Thing was, she couldn't answer yes or no to either. She was sure the Animarium could support her while she was pregnant, and so could her teammates. What she'd do to support the child after, she didn't know. She suspected Eric, out of guilt, would offer her a position with the Silver Guardians, or maybe insist on marrying her. Her face quirked up in a bitter smile. *Like I'd accept that.*

I'm amused that Rach put her into the Silver Guardians in her Identiverse universe. The guilt thing was a remnant of Colleen in "Moving On", where she would have ended up with a secretarial job in the Silver Guardians.

Well, she had the rest of the day to think about it, before she could see Eric again. She wasn't sure she really wanted to do that, but he'd be expecting to do something, or at least wait for her decision. And if she chose to have this child... well, what would he do? He wasn't the active Ranger, she was. The Eaglezord had chosen *her*.

The Eaglezord was now protecting her, while she made up her mind. She wondered how it would feel if she decided not to have this child. To put the problem behind her and continue on. *But what force wanted to try to bring me closer to Eric? Did something choose for me to become pregnant, or is Shayla just using the words of her own time?* she lay down, looking at the canopy.

*Kyna was in a committed relationship. She and Egan had to have known each other for more than a month... and I bet Egan wasn't as strong-minded as Eric. Not to mention Eric's a Ranger.* "I can't believe that I did that," she mumbled. She and Eric had discovered each other's physical company after their two teams had gotten together for the picnic. Actually, it probably wouldn't have happened if she hadn't gotten into an argument with Eric about self-defense. Which had led to a demonstration. Which had resulted in dinner, discussion... and bed.

And now they were tied together, by the sheer bad luck of a pregnancy. She liked Eric, kinda, but she couldn't see him as a father, and she couldn't imagine them spending their lives together, not for any reason. She knew that a child wouldn't force the two of them into loving one another. If she was to have this child, then she would... on her own. *I shouldn't have told Eric,* she thought. *I should have just left off seeing him, provoked the argument to end all arguments.* But she knew Cole wouldn't have let her. He'd have looked at her with puppy dog eyes. *I used to be tougher than this. Somebody like Cole wouldn't have affected me like this before.*

Beware the power of the puppy dog eyes....

Someone like Eric... maybe. Someone who was tough, militarily minded like her, maybe. Those were some of Eric's few qualifications. She spent time with Eric because she wanted to best him someday, and he wasn't a bad partner for when she wanted to release some pent-up aggressions that she couldn't really unleash anywhere else. But he still didn't strike her as a devoted father. He was too cynical for that. So was she.

Taylor closed her eyes. *Maybe he'll cancel out on dinner. I hope.*

But he probably wouldn't. And that's where the trouble lay. Eric had, as her mother had called it, an over-active guilt muscle. He wouldn't be satisfied until she'd made up her mind. He'd support her in whatever she did. And if she went through the pregnancy, she'd never get rid of him.

She curled up on the grass. *And I still don't know what to do!*

Well, neither did I for most of this story, but it got done....

* * *

Comments

Um, Selma?

[tptigger.livejournal.com]

Part 2 is just part one over again. I think you 'varked it.

Re: Um, Selma?

[estirose.livejournal.com]

Fixed. Replaced it with the middle third of the story. :)

Wicked Cool!

[tptigger.livejournal.com]

On to part 3. Then play with iPod. Then quit procrastinating walk.

Really. :)

[athersgeo.livejournal.com]

I'm amused that Rach put her into the Silver Guardians in her Identiverse universe.

I had to *grin* The relationship I cooked up between her and Eric in the ID'verse was way too much fun to leave after one story, and she's turned into such a useful character :)