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estiroseThe good news is that my rearchiving project has finally gotten into a format I like and is going well. Currently, it's mostly stuff from Dreamwidth (like a recent set of Kamen Rider Gaim ficlets and commentfics) and the current Dots (archiving through Charmed).
But instead of feeling confident about my writing, my inner editor-type processes are working overtime. The ones that say that I can't write and maybe it's a good thing that nobody reads a lot of my fics, and maybe I shouldn't post to AO3, just into my own little corner so that people don't have to read my goshawful fics.
It's even affecting my in-progress stuff, which I'll go into under cut.
So, one of the things I'm trying to get done is a somewhat academic essay on the Fatal Frame games. I've been stuck the last two weeks because the canon ending just didn't make sense to me and so I spent a while replaying the games just to understand. In the middle of the Kiryu house, I finally figured it out.
Trouble is, Fatal Frame II has the most detailed, complex storyline, especially when it comes to the relationships between people, which is what the essay covers. There is so much to cover just with the Itsuki and Mutsuki / Yae and Sae close friendship, the relationship between Ryokan and his daughters, and every other relationship that I think I got really tired when I got to Mio and Mayu. And of course, Mio and Mayu are the most reliant on cutscenes as opposed to everyone else's documentation, which makes it harder to figure out what's going on (and I forgot about DCB's cutscenes, whoops, will have to add them).
Michi is my genderbent Micchy, where I'm trying to explore how Micchy's path would be similar/different as a girl. So far, it's not too much. Thing is, I was throwing out pondery things in one post and in one of those, that Kouta is at least attracted to Michi. This shows up in the latest chapter (5) of Smoothing Skirts, which I hope doesn't turn people off because it looks like a setup for a Kouta/Michi relationship. (Which I didn't mean at all, because Michi herself knows that a relationship with a "street rat" four years her elder is not a good idea, to say the least.)
What I really wanted to focus on was how Michi is having doubts about her belt and her reasons for wanting to take Kouta's belt away from him. Part of this is because she wants to protect him, but I'm worried that it comes off as a romantic thing than Michi protecting herself.
One of the things I also wanted to explore was how Michi felt about fighting her brother. I intentionally mentioned that she was bruised from Takatora's shield throw - I don't think it was bad enough to be life-threatening for obvious reasons, but it was quite a hit. Thankfully, she lives with Takatora and can easily explain the bruise as "running into something" (in canon, Micchy collides with two trees in his fight against Takatora, as well as getting hit extensively by his unknowing older brother, so it's technically the truth in this case).
My PB muse for Michi looks a lot like a feminine Micchy, and she was dressed in her dancing gear, so it is possible for her to possibly be mistaken by Takatora for just another "street rat" if he'd actually knocked her unconscious, but this is part of her continuing worry that he will figure out that she's Ryugen and take her team away from her.
But instead of feeling confident about my writing, my inner editor-type processes are working overtime. The ones that say that I can't write and maybe it's a good thing that nobody reads a lot of my fics, and maybe I shouldn't post to AO3, just into my own little corner so that people don't have to read my goshawful fics.
It's even affecting my in-progress stuff, which I'll go into under cut.
So, one of the things I'm trying to get done is a somewhat academic essay on the Fatal Frame games. I've been stuck the last two weeks because the canon ending just didn't make sense to me and so I spent a while replaying the games just to understand. In the middle of the Kiryu house, I finally figured it out.
Trouble is, Fatal Frame II has the most detailed, complex storyline, especially when it comes to the relationships between people, which is what the essay covers. There is so much to cover just with the Itsuki and Mutsuki / Yae and Sae close friendship, the relationship between Ryokan and his daughters, and every other relationship that I think I got really tired when I got to Mio and Mayu. And of course, Mio and Mayu are the most reliant on cutscenes as opposed to everyone else's documentation, which makes it harder to figure out what's going on (and I forgot about DCB's cutscenes, whoops, will have to add them).
Michi is my genderbent Micchy, where I'm trying to explore how Micchy's path would be similar/different as a girl. So far, it's not too much. Thing is, I was throwing out pondery things in one post and in one of those, that Kouta is at least attracted to Michi. This shows up in the latest chapter (5) of Smoothing Skirts, which I hope doesn't turn people off because it looks like a setup for a Kouta/Michi relationship. (Which I didn't mean at all, because Michi herself knows that a relationship with a "street rat" four years her elder is not a good idea, to say the least.)
What I really wanted to focus on was how Michi is having doubts about her belt and her reasons for wanting to take Kouta's belt away from him. Part of this is because she wants to protect him, but I'm worried that it comes off as a romantic thing than Michi protecting herself.
One of the things I also wanted to explore was how Michi felt about fighting her brother. I intentionally mentioned that she was bruised from Takatora's shield throw - I don't think it was bad enough to be life-threatening for obvious reasons, but it was quite a hit. Thankfully, she lives with Takatora and can easily explain the bruise as "running into something" (in canon, Micchy collides with two trees in his fight against Takatora, as well as getting hit extensively by his unknowing older brother, so it's technically the truth in this case).
My PB muse for Michi looks a lot like a feminine Micchy, and she was dressed in her dancing gear, so it is possible for her to possibly be mistaken by Takatora for just another "street rat" if he'd actually knocked her unconscious, but this is part of her continuing worry that he will figure out that she's Ryugen and take her team away from her.
Re: More commentfic. (wry grin)
Date: 2014-07-30 04:51 pm (UTC)Michi herself is trying to delay the program to capture and contain the Riders. She doesn't like te idea of anybody but Team Gaim having drivers, but it'll keep Kouta's Driver safe.
Takatora, in the meantime, is reminding Ryouma (who I think of as Professor MOARDATAPLEASE including the capslock in my brain) that the current tests are almost over and it's not going to hurt the program to have Ryugen not transform. In the meantime, Ryouma is happily designing a Genesis Driver for Michi. *headdesk*
Re: More commentfic. (wry grin)
Date: 2014-07-30 07:01 pm (UTC)I bet that encouraging Kouta's heroics must be painful. It may be useful for her goals, but it puts the team in danger too.
Is it that the other Beat Riders are not worthwhile or that Gaim is the priority? Because yeah, if Yggdrasil's trying to avoid a panic, the belts in Project Ark would probably not be distributed by lottery (which makes it unlikely that they'd get them).
Re: More commentfic. (wry grin)
Date: 2014-07-30 09:02 pm (UTC)(Michi herself is kind of lukewarm on the new driver - she's interested in having the others get Drivers, not enhance her own abilities. She wouldn't object to being sent to mole Team Gaim.)
Kouta's heroic tendencies are a necessary evil if she can drive him to just put himself in danger instead of the whole team. She's not keen on that either, because she'd like Kouta to start dating Mai, but keeping that driver on him is more important.
As for the belts, Team Gaim is a priority, and she might send a few belts other teams' way if she likes them and they've helped Gaim in the past. Michi doesn't care about the rest of humanity as long as her team is saved.
and I need to stop writing.
Date: 2014-07-30 11:41 pm (UTC)I am currently trying to ignore my Ryouma muse. He got the idea that it might be a good idea to bring more of Team Gaim (like Kouta) for the lulz and to have a chip he can use if he needs it against Micchy.
----
"Why did you give my sister a Genesis Driver?" Takatora leaned in, trying to impress how bad an idea that was on Ryouga.
"She does need to be able to defend herself in Helheim. It's a dangerous place." The scientist hadn't lost his slight smile. "With the upgraded driver, you don't have to worry about her. And it didn't take her long to adjust to a bow and arrow instead of a gun. Give your sister some credit, Takatora."
"Michi shouldn't even be in Helheim." Sure, she wasn't a bad fighter, but she didn't need to go anywhere near the Crack. "She's supposed to be researching under you."
Ryouma cocked his head. "These things happen. I need her to go to the Base Camp every so often. I need her insights. Besides, if you're so afraid for her, train her. She is brilliant, after all. It shouldn't take her long to pick up any skills you want to give her."
Takatora gritted his teeth. He didn't want to teach her how to fight - wouldn't have even if she had been a boy, he told himself. He'd seen the recordings of Michi sparring with her "teammate", he knew that she was determined to become better, but that didn't mean that she should put herself in danger. She was not expendable. However, she was a teenager, and while she was an extremely responsible, thoughtful one, he was afraid that she'd do something stupid against her best judgment if she was presented with a chance. "She's irreplacable."
"I'm aware of that." Ryouma cocked his head. "Unfortunately, I need her in her curent duties. That's why I gave her an upgraded driver - I figured you wanted her as safe as possible."
He was going to have to train her, wasn't he? For his peace of mind. "Next time, I want to know if you're giving her any new Drivers or Lock Seeds."
"I understand." Ryouma smiled more broadly. "Don't worry, she's in good hands."
Re: and I need to stop writing.
Date: 2014-07-31 12:03 am (UTC)Is she really doing research for Ryouma in Helheim? He gave her the Driver for his own interests primarily, of course. Is she in on the existence of the Overlords, or is Ryouma keeping that a secret from her?
Gaah, yes, that does sound like something he'd do if he could manage it. Poor Team Gaim. He might have problems doing that behind Takatora's back, though. Kouta is not very good at keeping secrets.
Re: and I need to stop writing.
Date: 2014-07-31 12:41 am (UTC)(Which is funny, because the reason Takatora knows that Michi has a new driver is because one of the techs asked him about the genesis driver because she was going into Helheim.)
Ryouma hasn't said anything about the Overlords, but Michi isn't stupid and she knows something's going on. He has her spend part of her day spying on Team Gaim (she takes her original Driver, and Ryouma gave her another lockseed), and the rest of it working for Ryouma, including going out and patrolling to keep the Inves away (which also gives Ryouma data).