Selves and Family and Other Considerations (Kamendressing)

[estirose]

I wrote this for musing_way on DW, but it’s a Kamendressing fic as well, so I thought I’d post it. (And I’ve written something other than RPM! Yay! And part 3 of “Dreamt-of Call” is up on AO3!) It features Questing, with one other character, and mention of others, including Tattered, Haunting, and Ocean. The musing_way prompt was “Generations”.

Generations.

I remember, once, sitting on the beach that defined one edge of the world-between-worlds that I found myself in, before I found myself here. I loved the place; I could spend hours there.

I’d ended up there after running across a version of my father, one much different than the one that fathered me. This version had been the father of one of my selves, the quarter-dryad one of me that had suffered a lot because of what he was. Of course, a lot of me suffered because of what we were; stuck between human and Fangire, some fighting over-possessive older brothers that were determined to make our choices for us.

I understood that struggle all too well. I’d fled my world after my Bishop, my brother, tried to kiss me, tried to arouse me. I knew what he was trying to do. Keep his little sister safe. But I couldn’t sleep with him knowing our shared blood.

And I’d ended up in the place instead. At least no other versions of my older brother tried that on me there; they’re more interested if I’m okay and if I’m ruling well. If I’m being Fangire like I’m supposed to be.

I sometimes think they have me mixed up with Haunting, the me that was sick for months as his body changed to be far more Fangire than human.

A person sitting beside me. Taiga. A Taiga from a world where my brother was born my sister, not that it makes it any easier for that me. She’s not quite Ocean’s sister, but the way they act, and the similar worlds they came from, means that they might as well be.

Her brother is resisting getting married, where Ocean didn’t have a chance before his sister took one look at Kimiko and asked him when the wedding was. She consults with Ocean’s sister, I know. They’re working on getting her him to submit.

And she’s just as protective of her little brother as my brother is of his little sister.

“How’s Tattered?” I ask her, because she, of all the Taigas, seems to end up taking care of him the most. He seems to resist her less than he does the male versions of her.

“His name is Darkness.” There is a danger to her voice, a darkness, a rebuke. The Taigas don’t like the name I gave to Tattered, because it makes him look weak where his brother wanted his name to make him strong.

“Darkness, then.” She hasn’t won the war, but I acknowledge her version of his name. He’ll decide what he wants to be called someday, and if he wants “Darkness”, I will call him that.

“I fed him and I sent him home.” She looks over at me. Of all the versions of me, she seems to think I know what I am the most. Haunting is a traitor to her, for clinging to his human blood. I merely tried to hide, and she takes comfort in that I was found.

“He doesn’t want to go home.” That was the truth; he doesn’t have the strength to stand up to his brother. That’s why he was in the place so often, staying until he dared not stay any longer.

“I know.” She looks at the ocean.

“Did you feed him with food, or….” Like me, he won’t ever be able to live completely on the Life Energy of humans. “He was a bit low on energy when I saw him a while ago.”

“I fed him with food.” She stiffens up in the way that says that she’d rather have fed him with Energy, but there’s some kind of unspoken rule that they don’t feed other versions of me unless they have permission or it’s an emergency.

“Just as long as he’s all right.” I look at the ocean too. “He’s one of me. I have to look out for him.”

“As do I.” She shares this with me, and I know that she counts it one of her responsibilities, even though he’s not her brother.

“Mother left us with a heavy burden,” I tell her. She doesn’t want to talk about our mother, how she was betrayed and how I was left alone. “We’re Kings. We have heavier responsibilities than anyone else. Ourselves, and our family, and the Fangire.”

This makes her ease up a little bit. No, she does not want to talk about the woman who gave us birth in two different worlds, but she is willing to acknowledge that at least it brought her family. Something to cling onto. And the fact that I don’t shy away from my blood, the fact that I know how to rule, the fact that I am Fangire.

I know it threw her the first time, that I was the one who took care of my brother, not the only way around. But in her eyes, at least he can’t lose me. At least we have family.

If he has his way, we’ll be family in more ways than one. But I won’t burden her with that.

“Yes. And I’m glad you know that. So many of you don’t.”

I smile. “Then, maybe it’s up to us to teach them.”

She smiles, and I wonder if I’ve lifted a burden from her. But she says nothing, only takes my hand, and I suddenly wish I’d had an older sister too.

Crossposted from Ramblings Yet Once More here.

Comments

[reka]

This is lovely, and I'd like to think I think so for other reasons than it always feels a little bit flattering, even though it's all your writing. The little arc of the narrative is great.

I'm also really enjoying The Dreamt-of Call.

[estirose]

I always worry if I'm getting your Taiga right.

And "Dreamt-of Call" is really fun, even though I'm only sure of where I'm going through the next part, and then I only know I'm going to explore the intersection of free will and destiny.

[reka]

I think I've said it before, but she's supposed to be a pretty easy character to play. She has a fairly strict hierarchy of priorities and things that are important to her. Most of what I think when I read your fics that involve her is "gaaah, my dialogue was so clipped why did she pick that up gaah I am so lousy at continuous sentences gaaah."

I am totally on board for that, being above all a fan of the sort of fantasies in which a Poor Child goes on a Glorious Adventure and in the doing discovers a Spectacular Destiny and also somebody who realizes the idea of a Spectacular Destiny can be a bit problematic.

[estirose]

And I go "gaaah why can't I get her right" and "gaah, is she being strict enough" and "gaah, I should throw her against Ocean and Trapped instead of Questing, she's being too nice", so we're about even. :)

(My brain is telling me that Ziggy's going to end up kind of accidentally protecting an orphan or two during an attack, Flynn's going to find him, and there's a question of how long it's going to take Ziggy to make it to the Garage and whether he's going to do it under his own power. Also, his boss, the lady in the nurse's uniform in canon, has this idea that she should protect him from his destiny because he can't fight. Hopefully my brain will resolve this sometime before next week.)

[reka]

I really do think that you've got it. :)

I really like that, Flynn finding Ziggy first. I'm not really sure how he'd respond or even how Ziggy would respond to him. Flynn's interesting, and Ziggy has no way of knowing that all the Power Rangers are looking for him, right? Just a vague sort of distrust of authority and desire to keep his head down. And to avoid Summer, of course.

Are there any other symptoms of the call? Can the headache worsen to something like a migraine? Scott's the one most opposed, you said, but would he bring Ziggy in if he found him?

[estirose]

I'm glad I've got her right. :)

I suspect I've got Flynn finding him first because of all the Rangers, he's the second most comfortable character for me to write. He'd want to bring Ziggy in as soon as he could, and Ziggy would be all "Um, I would be a lousy Ranger, I think you've got me mixed up with another Ziggy Grover, but thanks."

Summer and Scott would bring him in too, because Summer really believes he is their missing Ranger, and Scott recognizes that the team needs all the help it can get. Which is good because a crippling migrane is where Ziggy's headed if he doesn't bond. He'll be practically incapacitated in a week or so after Dillon bonds because he's ignoring his call.

[reka]

I like Flynn. I'm not sure that I could figure out how to write him, but I like his character a lot. I wonder how many other Ziggy Grovers there could be in Corinth. If Ziggy's not the only one, he's probably one of two.

Oh, that sounds incredibly unfun. He'd cause a lot of worry for the people around him, too. It'd also make the conclusion to the Ziggy bonding situation much more dramatic, I think.

What about Dillon? He knows Ziggy's name now, but could he recognize him?

[estirose]

Flynn is easy for me because we share the same protective instinct and desire to help, if overmuch. (I think that makes Taiga easy for me to write, too.) In my head, he's currently saying "I'm sure I have the right Ziggy Grover, man." And Ziggy's responding with "Um. Right. Pleased to meet you, got these kids to look after." And stagger himself out of there as soon as possible, because there's got to be some mistake. And then try to deal with a concussion on top of the call-inspired headache he's got.

It would make it more dramatic, and I'm pondering if it's too much, or just right. Of course, the Rangers would know he's connected with the Orphanage now, just not that he lives there.

Dillon knows Ziggy's name, but he's about the only one who hasn't seen the footage, unless someone shows him. So if he ran across Ziggy instead of Flynn, then Ziggy would go on being in increasingly bad shape and the Rangers would have no clue (unless Dillon mentioned it perchance).

[reka]

Yeah, I'm not sure if Dillon would actually notice if something was subtly wrong with some guy he saw around.

I would be cautious, but it might be doable.

[estirose]

Yeah. It might be better if Flynn hauls him to the Garage.

Of course, Ziggy will probably dart off, thinking that Flynn's got the wrong guy. And unfortunately for Ziggy, one or two of the kids will ask Mr. Ranger if Mr. Ziggy is having one of his "green headaches" again. And they can tell him where "Mr. Ziggy" sleeps!

There's also the possibility that Ziggy might get to the Garage on his own, given that it's where his feet want to take him.

[reka]

But would Ziggy know what they want him for? Unless Flynn would tell him.

He might try to resist if he's in his right mind and it seems rewarding enough.

[estirose]

Ziggy thinks coming to the attention of the law is a bad thing (even if it's a Power Ranger and he'd normally be gushing), and he also knows that the Rangers pull people for testing as Rangers. And he's no fighter. (The concussion on top of the headache doesn't help.) He'd refuse to come.

Which still wouldn't prevent him from walking to the Garage on his own, drawn subconsciously by the call, but he wouldn't straight out choose to join the Rangers because he thinks he can't be one. Minor criminal with a rap sheet and all.

(If he walks to the garage while the Rangers are there, he'll be pulled inside by the nearest Ranger. Probably Summer or Flynn. Technically speaking, he has to be tested, under the same rule that allowed them to test Dillon.)

[reka]

I had more to say before, but then something occurred to me to ask: what if the Rangers weren't there, but Dr. K was? She expressed doubt about Ziggy before, but how much will she trust the judgment of her Rangers? And how would she go about approaching him?

[estirose]

That had occurred to me as well!

She sees nothing wrong with testing him, just to disprove he's the Ranger Operator they're looking for. Or to see if her Rangers are right. Either way, that will deal with the Ziggy issue.

The only way she's likely to run across him is if he practically trips over the Garage's doorstep, and then she'd snap at him to come in, get him to sit down on the couch, and wait for her Rangers to get out of battle before she turned her attention towards him. (Whether he'd obey her is another question.)

[reka]

Oh good, I'm still making mental connections that make sense, although it's probably not the best idea for me to stay up until I'm incoherent.

Perhaps it's just me, but I think Dr. K can be pretty threatening. She's also pretty clearly an authority figure, which again brings up the "would he stay or would he run" question. And what would he tell the orphanage? "Surprise I was recruited?" Or would he say nothing and just vanish?

[estirose]

Ditto for me, though hopefully I'll be coherent a while longer (or at least my reading comprehension will stay with me, even if my spelling doesn't).

Dr. K is pretty threatening, and he probably wouldn't stay if she told him to. She'd probably have to say something that would scare him into/entice him into entering (at which point she could keep him from leaving). Otherwise, she'd just tell the Rangers that he was there. Which would probably send Flynn right back to the orphanage.

He'd want to give the kids some closure, and I'm sure the Rangers wouldn't mind if he went for his stuff, though it would be more along the lines of one last cling at his 'normal' life before it gets swept up in hours of training, etc.

[reka]

I hope it did!

Would he be able to tell them why?

[estirose]

I think the kids would take "Mr. Ziggy is now/has been chosen to become a Power Ranger" far better than Mr. Ziggy is going to. Of course, nobody would go into things like Ziggy's willingness to be a Ranger. The kids think it's great, except one or two who think he looks "sad".

The adults? Well, he'd have to explain to his boss that he passed the tests and he'll be taught how to fight, and she'll want to know if he's okay and whether he's been conscripted, and how she can get him out of it.

(I think I managed to do my homework coherently. I think.)